i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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