I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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