We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
