I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
