If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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