Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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