I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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