I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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