would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
