my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
