The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
