i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
