Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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