i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize