Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My bed smells like the plague
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