i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
