just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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