I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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