I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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