The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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