4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
