I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
