I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
