....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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