We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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