According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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