you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize