Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
