My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
