Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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