So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
