Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
