my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
