We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
