the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize