I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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