I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
