hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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