I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
