hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you had me at cake vodka
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
