We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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