I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
