my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He felt like a one man threesome
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
