Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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