Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
