I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
