OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
