Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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