FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
