I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize