I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Say something about gay babies.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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