careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
