Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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