...so i touched it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so let's talk penis.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
