Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
