I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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