Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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