Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
