i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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