Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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