when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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