i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
