Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we made out on top of his cat.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
