she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
