i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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