So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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